Spending time together as a family is important. In my last post, I spoke about the importance of building family memories, and I provided ideas for becoming more intentional about building those memories. Although it is vital for us to build memories as a family, it is equally as important for our children to spend time with one parent at a time. Have you ever noticed that when both parents are spending time with the children, there is always one parent more involved then the other? It is hard to have two people in charge at the same time. One spouse generally gives way to the other, permitting one spouse to take more of a backseat during family time.
In the absence of one spouse, the other spouse will naturally have to take the lead. It requires the spouse to become more engaged and do things “their” way with the kids. There is a way that men do things and there is a way that women do things. When our husbands are spending time with the kids, we have to pray that they come back in one piece! I remember when my children were very little and we were crossing the parking lot to enter a store. There was a father with three boys, the children appeared to be between the ages of 5 and 8. The dad was running across the street and yelled out behind him, “stay close.” The boys were running to keep up with him. I thought this was hilarious. Would a mother with three young children, run across the parking lot and yell “stay close?” It is possible, but most of jokes about parenting center around fathers, and how they operate differently than mothers.
Even movie producers have played with the notion that fathers need to be supervised when they are left alone with their kids. The movie Daddy Daycare comes to mind. Now, I am not writing to bash fathers. Men are just as capable of taking care of children. I would dare to say when men are engaged in the activity at hand with children, their presence and tone of voice demand a more focused atmosphere. However, I do think most of us will agree that men and women have different ways of spending time with our kids. It is important for our children to experience the way “dad does things”, as well as the way “mom does things.” There are so many things our children can learn about us, and so much we can learn about them, when our spouse is absent. We gain a better understanding of each other’s personality and preferences. I understand that family time is essential, and is possibly rare, so adding time without your spouse may not be easy.
There are simple ways we can give our spouse alone time with the kids.
- Go Relax! When you are at home and the children are spending time with your spouse, leave the room. Use the time your spouse is interacting with the kids to have some time to yourself, wash dishes, read book, do anything else.
- Resist The Urge To Participate– When your spouse is taking the lead, do not join in or add anything to what he/she is doing. Even if your kids are trying to include you, just smile and nod your head. If they insist on trying to pull you into the fun, walk away. Use this time to go to the bathroom or find something else to do.
- Plan Time Away– Schedule some time for you to be away. It does not have to be long, maybe a half a day or even a weekend. Planned time away is great because it allows your spouse to really plan how he/she wants to spend time with the kids.
Christian Homeschool HQ Challenge: Finding time alone with your kids, without your spouse maybe challenging, but it is worth it! Use this week to focus on giving your spouse some alone time with the kids.